Biggest Loser Fail

 

4 miles completed on the treadmill and then another 15 minutes spent on the elliptical staring at the blue hairs while they walked and talked passed gas around me.  Why is it that I can feel fine while in the act of running but hurt so bad an hour after being done?  It doesn’t make any sense to me.  Maybe I should take up water aerobics instead, seems less dangerous and less injury prone…

People have so much fun here and I could defiantly tell who was farting in the pool.

I haven’t watched biggest loser in the last few seasons.  Mainly because I felt so horrible while eating a pint of ice cream while watching other work out.  But on Tuesday when I put in some TM time at the gym after work someone had tuned into Biggest Loser and I forgot my ear buds, so Bob Harper it was.  Of course I wasn’t disappointed by the “plot”.  Contestants were going to walk off the show because they heard that all the old contestants of that season were coming back for a challenge where they could possibly earn a spot back on the show. 

Really?!?!?!? Anyone who has seen Biggest Loser knows that there is always a challenge where someone gets a chance to come back!!!  And then they brought in the lawyer to explain to the current contestants about the CONTRACTS they signed.  Which clearly states what will happen in the show, by the way. 

You signed a contact!!! You should have to honor it.  Quite whining and complaining about a legally binding contract that you signed in order to get some free personal training and life changing advice.  When is it ok to decided that you shouldn’t have to honor your word?  I’m lost with this one.  Grow up people!!!

Sure Bob, I'll be on next season.

Stank Face

 

You ever walk into a room and think you are alone so you think your safe to pass some gas?  Yeah, that happened to me today at the gym.  I haven’t been to the gym in over 2 weeks, what a way to welcome yourself back.  I could have sworn I was alone so I let it go, and it was nasty, noisy and slightly smelly.  That’s when I caught sight of her out of the corner of my eye.  Sitting there like she didn’t hear or see a thing.  Big fail Jess!  Whatever!!! She was probably on of those people that join the gym for the month of January and then quits shortly thereafter.  I may not see her again, or I could have to face her knowing she calls me stank face behind my back everyday. 

Sorry Johnny, I wouldn’t even think of farting near you.

Back to the gym though,  I ran just over one mile and spent 30 or so minutes on the elliptical.  Sad, I know but at least I got my fat butt back to the gym and did something.  Now that the holidays are over I have no excuses left in my bag.  It’s shut up and run time.  It did help that I created a new station of Pandora, “Rihanna Radio”  almost as good as “Pink Radio”.  It help get me moving despite my desire to just go back to bed and sleep all day. 

I’ve only got one race scheduled for May and it’s a half.  It would probably be good to look for some others to get me really motivated.  These cold winter months always make me depressed, I probably have Season Affective Disorder.  I’m going to need something to look forward to other than poking my eyeballs out slowly with a spoon.

 

How do you keep motivated?

Do Frogs get Squatters Rights?

 

Why can’t I get on a routine? Geesh Louish, I need to join the military where my day is laid out for me and I don’t really get to choose what to do or where to go, those guys have routine down pat.

 

The Run:

I made it to the gym by 8:00am today which means I got to feel like the super athlete next to all the blue hairs.  It was something like three 10 minute miles or ten 3 minute miles.  Let’s just leave it at, it felt like a lot.  After that agonizing 30 minutes I managed to perform a 20 minute elliptical interval workout that left my butt feeling like mush.  That’s a good feeling in case you were wondering.  During said workout I abandoned music for the Bob & Tom radio program.  I just wonder if people wonder what's going on in my head when I’m laughing out loud while running. “That girl is crazy, don’t go near her” or “I’m never getting on a treadmill next to that one again”. Probably. 

 

The Crap:

Why are sports bra’s so unflattering?  You have two breast that you would rather look like one?

 

 

I’m just oozing sex. Can you see it?

What ever happened to lift and separate?  Maybe I might feel a little better about my self if I didn’t feel all squashed and confined.  Thanks “sports bra” for being such a jerkface.

 

There is a squatter on my property.

I assume you’ve mailed the check?

It’s his third summer rent free in my white trash pond.  He runs when ever the landlord gets near and always has a great excuse why he can’t pay. “I’ve got kids”, “I lost my job”, “Stripping doesn’t pay as well as it used to”.  I don’t care amphibian, you could at least eat some flies for us.