Soft Mommy Tummy

 

Its been a very frustrating month for me, mostly because it feels like I am working my butt off with running and adding in some strengthening exercises and….NOTHING.  I have nothing to show for it.  Not a pound lost, not change in the mirror, not a change in dress size.  I have steadily increased miles over the last three month and I am running a better mile pace too. I need to scream obscenities…

I just don’t get it. So depressing.  But after some long time spent in contemplation (or in a wine bottle) I have determined just exactly why I remain unchanged.  That pudgy, stubborn mommy tummy that most women have in some fashion is meant to be there.  Especially for when you have small children.  Those of you with little kids will know what I am talking about.  Example: Little girl #2 come running at me from across the house, full bore, and does a header right off my abdomen.  Now if I had a fantastically ripped set of abdominal muscles she might have hurt herself when slamming her forehead into my stomach.  But since I have a soft midsection it just cradles her like warm bread with butter. (and she seriously jumps around like a crazy wild animal most of the day)

Ok, wrong type of kid, but you get the picture of what I’m working with here.  So from now on I plan on living in my own little fantasy world of delusions of why I may need to keep some softness to my form.  I mean, truly, its for the kids.

So confused

It is necessary that I share this with you:

I have no words for this situation. What exactly is going on here? How does this stay in place?!?!? It makes no sense. I must now go and scour my eyes with comet. You just can't unseen something like that.
On Saturday I ran a whole 5.25 miles. It was pretty good, but slow. I realize that most all my runs are slow. I want to be faster but I don't know that I have the drive to get there. I also have no clue how to really train to get faster. When I investigate training plans, they always use all sorts of jargon like splits and fartlek and tempo. Now I can intellectually understand these directions. I just have no real understanding of how to realistically put a training plan in place.

Maybe someday it will all come together. Or I'll become extremely wealthy and hire a coach to train my pants off...literally.

Until then I will live in mediocrity...

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Put On A Happy Face

I had absolutely no intention of running tonight. And I mean none! But I was threatened with bodily harm and financial ruin if I didn't get off my butt and hit the pavement. Ok, that last part might be a slight exaggeration of the facts, but it was my sister and she can be pretty scary if she needs to be. And remember how I said the other day that I havng run out side in forever? Yeah, that was a slight problem today...

 

Look how threatening she is. I was not the happiest camper by the end of the 3 miles. It was slow and humid and there were these things in the road that seemed to increase in elevation, I think they call them hills? Crap if you ask me. I need to start increasing the elevation on the treadmill so this isn't as much of a problem in the future.

 

Ok, so it might have been a little more fun than I let on initially. And despite the fact it was unplanned I was glad to go and have it done.

 

I plan on hiding from her tomorrow though....

 

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Lessons Learned Today

After 3 agonizing miles at 0630 this morning in some humid 75 degree heat I realized I recently have learned a few lessons.

 

Lesson #1- I have grossly undertrained for the race this weekend. Seeing that I'm a lazy slob I'm not sure why I thought intermittent running would get me ready for a 4 mile race. Also not really varying the speed or incline on the treadmill will severely limit your ability to run outside. Who knew? Ok so I knew that but I was hoping for some magical event to happen that would make me run fast and look good all at the same time. Still waiting on that...

 

Lesson #2- I hate the heat. The treadmill provides me with the ability for comfort. I have my fan, Sydney Bristow, and a cold bottle of water at my disposal through out my run. A back country road provides me no comfort. And this whole getting hot at the crack of dawn thing is getting old fast. I like cold weather running for outside. Until I move to Alaska to run I'm going to continue to complain about the heat and humidity.

 

Lesson #3- Country folk are more considerate drivers. This was the most pleasant lesson today. As I have been in Minier all week (AKA middle of nowhere) I have been able to utilize the back roads for my torture sessions. Every time a car/truck/tractor/semi has been headed my way it has not only slowed down considerably but it has also driven on the other side of the road and the driver waved to me. Now they might have been just making sure I was not on the verge of death as it may have appeared, or as I like to think it, they are just nice people. That and if they hit me, it's more than likely they will actually know me and have to tell my parents they smeared me across the road.

 

Lesson #4- I better start cross training. This is just fact. I will never get better or be in better shape if I don't do that. The question is what to do for a cross train?

 

In other news, little girl #2 decided that it would be a good idea to take a poo in the wagon outside in the driveway for us to find later. My conversation with her went like this:

 

Me: Did you poop in the wagon?

LG2: Yes I did.

Me: Why did you do that?

LG2: I was trying to be funny.

Touché little girl, touché.

 

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Lets do some squat thrusts

Life happens and then you move on, at least that's what I keep telling myself. Keep moving Jess, keep moving. My runs have been few and far between lately, but like any bathing suit fearing woman I too see the rapid approach of swim suit season and plan to make a rapid dash for that finish line, sliding across head first if need be.

 

 

In this new gusto of enthusiasm I have decided to challenge my self with some simple workout goals. After doing a little Internet investigation I found some different push-up and squats challenges. I figure that these things can't hurt, and if anything I may gain a little strength in the end. But of course I can't do anything by the instructions and have decided to make up my own rules for the challenge. Day one= do as may of each of these as I can. Then on each consecutive day thereafter do at least the same amount if not more than the day before. I made my self a chart just to satisfy my OCD and seeing as I am only 2 days in I'm feeling pretty good about my progress. I bet by day 10 I will just want to give up and eat butter or something.

Just remember this picture next time you at someone else's house with cats...

 

Runs are still happening on this plan of mine, I'm just not sure how far they will go or if I will do long runs. We shall see. I think I need a squats buddy to kick my in the pants and keep me motivated. Please feel free to be that person, but only if you will do the push ups and squats with me. K? Thanks!!!

Kinda like this?

 

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Faceplant

The whole "Winter Treadmill Extravaganza" is getting really old. But since I'm a wimp when it comes to running out side I have no idea when that will be able to happen again. (I'm so delicate and the wind or rain may wash me away forever and the wind could make my nose run...) Whinning I know... But I stamped out 4 miles today at a 1% incline. If you could have seen my extreme coolness while running in place you would have been completely impressed. At least up until the point when I caught my foot on the edge of the belt and tripped and planted my face in the display.

It looked sort of like this...

 

My sister and I also decided to sign up for a 4 mile race this June in Peoria, IL. The last time we did this race we did the 10 mile leg and almost died so we are opting for the shorter version of that run. It will be my first race in over a year. I am excited and slightly nauseated over the whole ordeal. But I guess that I need a race to train for if nothing else to keep me motivated.

 

In other news, my oldest baby had her first horseback riding lesson today. She received a few lessons as a gift from the grandparents and has done nothing but talk about it since Christmas. She's so cute.

 

Tomorrows goal, 5 miles with a 1% incline. I'll let you know when I fall in a heap on the garage floor.

 

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Shake that Booty

Now don't be alarmed, but I switched it up a little bit today. Because I'm such an example of studliness and awesomeness I bumped the treadmill incline to 1%, for 3 miles. Stop drooling and close your mouth, cause I know how amazed you are. I'm even surprised by how much it didn't suck! So what if they were the slowest miles ever, I ran them instead of sitting of the couch. I was slightly disappointed that I could see no evidence of my butt looking better post run. You'd think that when a girl worked that hard she could get a little reward. My dream is to one day have this @$$ from running.

 

If only...

 

Oh well, at least it didn't get bigger. After the run the girls convinced me that would be a good idea to play with the easy bake oven. And after a first failed attempt we arrived at a "wonderfully delicious" dessert of cake balls.

Cute, no?

They thought it was the most amazing food ever. I choked one down to be polite and am praying that I don't develop food poisoning. So if you never hear from me again, blame the balls.

And this girl...

 

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