What the heck is wrong…

 

with me, in particular?  For starters with all the holiday hubbub running has been last on the list.  I then relate my crappy state of mind, and subsequently body, to this lack of exercise.  I always feel so much better about myself after getting moving and that just isn’t happening lately which really sucks a big one. 

And this week isn’t looking any better on the running front.  How do other mothers actual fit in regular exercise of any kind?  I usually have a kid attached to one hip or the other and the other child making requests in every 15 minutes to keep me on my toes.  Then with what time might be left after them going to bed I’m to tired to load the dishwasher.  I feel burned out.  Excuses, excuses, I know.  Just shut up and run.

When I find so motivation, or win the lottery, I’ll let you know.

Fasting from Running

 

Did I mention I have to work tomorrow?  Well I do.  Somebody has to take care of the sick people.  I plan of eating at least 5 lbs of any chocolate substance to make it through the day.  It should add nicely to the additional weight that I’ve been packing on during my fast from running.  That’s what I’m calling it to make myself feel better about not running.  I’m really fasting. Totally for religious reasons.

My poor niece Ali was tired from watching little girl # 1 & 2 all night.  She’s thrilled!!!

I plan on getting back on the running wagon soon.  But in order to make it more of a challenge I think that I should gain a few more pounds.  I wouldn’t want those other people to feel bad at the gym if I showed up in excellent physical condition and they were just starting on their new years resolutions.  So it’s my new years resolution to not get too in shape to aid in others high self esteem.  Sound good?  Yeah, maybe not so much.

Regardless,I do plan on eating a crap ton more before the new year.  And crap ton is way more than a regular ton or a metric ton.  Look it up! I dare you. 

 

Do you plan on being bad over the holidays?

I Got A New Man

 

Do you want to meet my new man?  He’s super sweet, likes to cuddle, and never says I look fat.  He’s slightly less than of legal age but we love each other and that’s all that matters.

Don’t you want to squeeze him? Careful don’t squeeze too hard he might pee.

 

This little nugget is big D’s Christmas present from his parents.  A 10 week old German Shepard puppy!  And because he is so cute, his brother is residing at my in-laws house so he can have family around (suckers!!!).  We have named him Hector which little girl #2 can’t say, so she calls him Edgar and I think that’s pretty darn cute.  Of course Leroy is having some misgiving over the whole ordeal seeing that he is senior pup around here at 9 years old.  I think he’ll get use to it.

Notice the blank stare on Leroy's face.  He now hates me.

So for the next few weeks I guess I’ll be potty training a puppy and a kid.  Can they both just wear diapers for a while?  Oh, well.  At least he does a lot of this.

 

Let’s keep this clean folks.

What I’m really hoping is that he is gonna be my running partner come summer time.  Then people are gonna think I’m some undercover cop out rounding up the meth heads.  At least that’s how it goes down in my head.  I’ve been giving him pep talks to get him ready to run a half with me but that just usually causes his narcolepsy to activate and I’ve lost him.

 

Did anybody else get an animal for Christmas?

Move over Martha, Jess has the power drill

 

I just realized that between the bubonic plague that struck our household and my working 4 out of 5 days in a row I haven’t had the time nor desire to step foot into my running shoes.  I wish I could say it has been a restful week off but I think, looking back, that I probably would have enjoyed having my eyes poked out the running.  So I eased into any physical activity with a nice 30 minutes on the elliptical and then managed to run 1.5 miles before crapping out and pretending to lift heavy things.  I felt overly productive.

Yes, I know. Lets not rub it in.

 

So when I got home I decided to go DIY and install the laundry room cabinet that I keep avoiding.  I think it didn’t turn out to bad.  I just hope that I anchored that bad boy into the studs.  The doors weren’t that difficulty to put on, much to my surprise.  Martha Stewart, you ain’t got nothing on me.  Now if I could just figure out what to put in it…  (Seems like I had big plans for it when I first had the idea.)

Move over Bob Villa, I’m coming for ya!!!

What did you do productive with your day?

I’ll rip your arms off and take them

 

I need arms like Tara from True Blood.

 

She’s one bad mama jama.  That’s all.

Another Sick Day

 

What’s more fun than laying in bed sick for a day, you ask?  Taking care of a child that is sick and puking her guts up.  “Flu” season needs to go away, post haste.  It’s enough that I take care of ill people at work, I don’t need my house to be an infirmary too.

So if you need me, I’ll be the one who hasn’t showered yet, in yesterdays pajamas, covered in flu germs bundled up with two little girls who may or may not vomit directly on me in the near future.  Hope you have a good day!

I might get sick on you

 

Yesterday was measured in trips to the bathroom.  After around 20 trips in 3 hours I gave up any semblance of time and gave in to the sickness.  My stomach couldn’t keep anything down and by backside wouldn’t stop vomiting.  Over all, a very pleasant day. 

This is one of my “sick” bags.  Handy, but not pretty.  Uhgggg, the memories…

Because I’m obsessed with my weight, I weighed myself after a day of extreme fluid loss and found the silver lining to being sick.  5 pounds of weight loss in one day.  I’m stoked, too bad it's not a long term plan for success. 

These are the pictures that happen when you leave the computer unattended.

Of course that makes it difficult when going to run today.  Spend a day in bed trying not to die, get really dehydrated and eat a couple pieces of toast and then try to run the next day.  I probably should have had a better plan, like rest or something.  It was a sluggish 3 miles but I made it.  And since I’m a glutton for punishment I spent another 28 minutes on the elliptical machine.  Over all I feel slightly better than yesterday but maybe shouldn’t have gotten back on the treadmill so quickly.  Oh, well…

And by the way, I’ve decided I know the reason I’m so SLOW.  My legs are just too short.  I watched a few other people today on the treadmill while I plodded along on the elliptical machine  and came to a few conclusions. 1. My legs are too short for my body. and 2. I’ve already been through puberty and can’t expect to grow anymore.  Crap!  All these people with their super long legs can take further strides and look like a sleek gazelle running through a field of wheat where as I just look like a cockroach scurrying across the floor.  And my family will attest to this truth, just ask them at most holiday functions, they will be glad to point out my flaw and laugh in my face.  Jerks.  I’m defiantly the deformed child seeing as my brother is 6’4” and my sister is 5’10'”. I’m 5’6” on a good day in my tennis shoes.

Yeah, well you suck and don’t expect a good Christmas present this year giant trolls.

I must go research ways to get taller that don’t include surgical breaking of the legs and inserting extenders or clinical drug trials.

Chicken Legs

 

Three miles completed on the treadmill.  Not a bad run.  I’m just super excited that I didn’t crap my pants today.  Bonus for me!!!  I also managed to not make a fool of myself while lifting some weights with my legs, though I may have gotten some strange looks from the serious weight lifters.  You know the ones, huge upper body and teeny tiny skinny legs that look like they might snap right off at the ankle at any moment.

Kind of like this….

I try to avoid these people at the gym at all costs. Mainly because they make me feel so self conscious about my lack of weight training.  That, and I avoid all unnecessary contact with any and all people in public due to by borderline agoraphobia.  If I could figure out how to work from home and leave only minimally to buy things like food, I would do it!  I wonder how I could be a nurse from home?

 

Are you outgoing or would you be a hermit? I choose hermit.

Burt & Ernie

 

Remember how yesterday I had an “emergency” on the treadmill that could have resulted in the need for a lockdown of the gym?  Well, it happened again today.  Right at mile 3 I was hot stepping it to the bathroom again!  I think my gut is in revolt of my running.  It’s doing everything it can to sabotage my runs (pun intended).  So instead of getting back on the treadmill today I decided to listen to my gut and I lifted weights with my weak, flabby arms.  That seemed to quell the revolution and my gut went into hiding.

Could have looked like this, but didn’t. (Poor guy!)

I have small children which means I get to watch a lot of kids shows on every station imaginable.  Most of which involve some form of singing and dancing and less than stellar plot lines.  Though I do laugh on occasion.  Now I now that you all know Sesame Street.  Which I love, by the way.  But there are those who have some lingering concerns of what type of relationship is between Burt and Ernie.  When sitting at Little Girl #1 dance class and reading a Sesame Street book to Little Girl #2, this popped up on the page and I now understand fully.

Hummmm……

Oh!!!!!!

Burt doesn’t look as happy about it as Ernie does.  But this just made me chuckle in my head.  It’s all clear now.

 

That Run Could Have Been Embarrassing

 

Started breaking in the new shoes today with 5 solid miles.  They felt really good.  Even though after 2 miles I had to hot step it to the locker room to avoid an embarrassing situation.  Luckily my treadmill had not been swiped by gang members or blue hairs and I got right back in it.  Pandora was awesome yet again today and provided me with some Jay-Z mix for the first half of the run and some Pink mix for the last half.  I just wish I could build a station of 10-20 artists of my choosing and not always have the computer randomly selecting music, though sometimes it pleasantly surprises me. 

Surprise!!! I’ll bite your face off.

Do you ever get really upset at inanimate objects when they don’t behave?  Like that sock that you just can’t get to shake off your foot or the piece of plastic you are throwing away but can’t get the static to release it from your finger?  Then you just end up shaking that appendage wildly in the air and cursing.   Yeah, I thought so.  Me too.  I find myself yelling at the shoes to move out of my way or the door handle to let go of my coat sleeve.  This could be a problem in the future when my kids wanna find a reason to put me in a home.  Until then I will continue to get frustrated with soulless objects and throw them across the room.

This happened to me the other night, or should I say morning with my socks when I rolled into the house at around 4 am (nothing works when your tired).  Why home so late, you ask?  Well I was sucked into the black hole of mindlessness on Thanksgiving night that involved long lines and fighting over stupid crappy toys.  Ok, so I didn’t actually fight anyone for a toy but my white trash would have come out if I needed it to.  My friend Amber and I ventured out at 9pm to see how bad it could really be (and she acted as my personal body guard).

you really love me even when I make you stay out all night

Boy did we underestimate the power of the deal.  The lines at Toys-R-Us and Best Buy stretched on for what seemed like miles and lets not even mention Wal-Mart. (Lets take the kids and a tent and camp out in the liquor isle to get that X-box we don’t need and can’t afford, sure sounds like a good plan)  That place game me an anxiety attack, and now that I know they are carrying pepper spray, I’m glad we got out before the may lay started.

There were two women attacked in Terre Haute in the Toys R Us parking lot that were jumped and all of their new toys and left over cash were taken.  I’m not a serious shopper but we did find a few deals that worked out. We had a very late dinner at Denny’s before attempting any stores which worked in our favor. No lines to wait in and all the fight, stabbing and choke holds to get the hottest toys was over by 11 when things open at 9.  We just couldn’t seem to stop looking at all the deals and before we knew it it was 3:30 and I was spent.

Everything seems like a good idea at 2:30am, especially with no sleep

Over all I’d say it was a success.  Not sure if I will attempt that again.  And if I do, I will definitely have a plan in place to avoid having to bring my prison made shiv with me.  It’s either that or take Amber with me again.

 

Do you venture out into the Black Friday Mess?

Back at it with new shoes

 

This last week has been full of a lot of things; eating, shopping, visiting with family, more eating and work.  Did you see one thing missing?  Yeah, me too.  Running!

Maybe it was some subconscious/Freudian crap that caused it, I’ll never know but I left my running shoes at my parents house.  Oh, Jess, just go over and get them.  Sure I’ll drive the 2.5 hours to their house one way to pick them up.  No thanks.  I’ll just order some new ones and wait a week for them to come before running again.  Sounds much easier to me.

I needed new ones any way.  I ordered the exact same pair of Brookes Adrenaline 11 size 10.5 that I already run in and they are so pretty when they are new.  I almost want to just put them on a shelf and only use them for good (that’s what my grandma would have done). And please feel free to make jokes about my enormously gigantic feet.  I’ll just use them to kick your butt when your done laughing.

I’ll go Bob Barker on you.

So today I ran 3.5 miles before remembering I should probably not go to far until I get them broken in some.  By they way, it snowed today.  Great big snow too.  It looked like a cotton candy machine from the 5th floor of the gym today.  I’m not ready for snow, just saying…

Yes Forrest, thank you for the observation.

On the way home I noticed a trash truck next to me at a stoplight and they had forgotten to put something in the cab.  Not sure what it is or if it will make it to the their next destination.

Hope they don’t really need what's in that bag…

Piso Mojado

 

Let me just start by saying that sick kids are not fun.  I deal with enough bodily fluids at work I don’t particularly want to deal with it at home.  But today has been full of it, bodily fluids that is.  And if everything goes as the little buggers planned, I’ll be the one ralphing my guts up tomorrow.

Their germs are not this cute.

So while I feel good lets reminisce about my massive Thanksgiving dinner last Saturday. Here is the run down, we had turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls and for dessert a pumpkin pie and a delicious concoction that my niece put together involving cream cheese and dough (Heaven!!!)

We always take aerial photos from our helicopter for Thanksgiving.

 

The rest of the family was already in a turkey induced coma at this point.

 

 

Sopapilla Cheesecake Heaven.

 

It was a free for all of eating, and I probably had to unbutton my pants when all was said and done.  There might have been some wine involved during the feast.  I may or may not have had spent some too much time with my sister watching old music videos on you tube and singing too loud.

We also spent half the night yelling “Piso Mojado” at anyone who walked through the kitchen.  Listen, the floor was wet and we didn’t want a lawsuit.

 

What happens at your house after all the eating is done?

Abandoned in the Kitchen

 

Well, due to the wind yesterday and the fact that I’m a known wimp, running was OUT.  We are smack dab in the middle of nowhere land and it’s flat as flat can be with not many trees to break the 20 mph wind.  That’s ok though, more time to cook and eat.

Now spin in a circle and imagine that all around you for MILES!!!

The last few Thanksgiving dinners we have had, have gone the non-traditional route so this year we decided to go back to the old Turkey and Ham dinner and it did not disappoint.  It was also my first attempt at making yeast rolls.  I’m the bomb, it’s too bad you all couldn’t make it here to try them.  Side note: did you know that yeast sucks, and has an expiration date. See below for batch # 2 of yeast rolls.

 

Before. Notice the clean counter.

After. Golden brown perfection. And very healthy too.

 

My family abandoned me to the kitchen for other more important things.  My niece had a basketball tournament, my mom had some practice for a “Holiday Spectacular” (not sure what goes on there), my dad had to look at some guns and D tagged along with him.  So in an effort to expedite my cooking I sold the children to the highest bidder.

Turns out they are only worth a couple buck and my sister bought them. No returns, no refunds.

The kitchen quite possibly could have been declared a national disaster area. Apparently a tornado touched down and moved a whole house into the kitchen at some point.  I called in the National Guard for clean up later in the day.  Eventually the stragglers made it back home to terrorize my efforts and steal/beg for food I threw up my hands, walked away and let the Mother finish.

I was scared of the knife so I backed away, slowly.

Stay tuned for the actual buffet of debauchery.

How and when do you plan to celebrate your Thanksgiving holiday?

 

 

The rut is over

 

Who wants to run in 32 degree weather with 20 mph winds?  Not this girl!  So I believe I’ll be sentencing myself to treadmill jail.  Looks like I’m getting a 4 months.  I might get out for good behavior in early March but seeing as I’m a weenie it’s looking like a no go.  Oh, well.

It’s my mug shot, I could use some make up and a straight iron huh?

Todays punishment involved a 5 mile run in around 52 or so minutes.  I really like to have a certain treadmill that is near the one and only fan in the whole gym.  And said treadmill was occupied by a turtle  slow moving man.  So I begrudgingly started using another machine.  1/2 a mile later he finished his, what ever it was and I scooted on over to MY machine.  What a difference a breeze makes!!!  I might be falling in love with running again.  Could the rut be over?

Just a light breeze…

After my run I hurried home to pack and get the kids and husband loaded to drive 2.5 hours to Minier, IL for our Thanksgiving.  Yes, I know its early but that’s how we roll, deal.  Pretty soon I’ll be cooking up a storm and then eating until I actually bust.  Come on over, it should be fun.  Then we will all take a holiday nap together.  Please don’t snore.

Little girl #2 thinks concealer would make a good side dish.

If all goes well, I might get to run with the sister that I never wanted but have anyway.  But then again, it’s pretty cold for a delicate flower such as myself.

Let me Sleep

I'm pooped. Whose idea was it to get up at 4:30am and run before work anyway? Oh, me? No. That doesn't seem right.


Oh well. 4 miles before work and then 12 hours on my feet and I'm beat. Trying to go to bed and this guy trying to spoon me.

Pathetic, I know. Night, night.

Organization Junkie

 

Last night as I lay in bed I made a decision that I would run outside today no matter how cold it was.  Of course that was before this morning when the monsoon hit.  My resolutions are always defeated before they can start (I’m made of sugar, I can’t get wet).  But I did not leg this get me down, I just headed to the gym.  Four and a half miles later I felt great, a little chaffed in the nether regions but otherwise great.  I haven’t done over 4 miles since September and my legs could have lasted for longer but that spot on my Achilles where my shoe has been rubbing really started to burn (mental note: buy new shoes).  Maybe it was the Jay-Z on Pandora or the two cups of coffee before getting going but it just felt right.

Me too!!!!

After my gym trip I had to go to Kroger for some food.  I don’t understand why those kids can’t just go to the grocery store themselves?  Or at least get a job and contribute some money? So inconsiderate of them to lounge all day and eat my strawberries (which by the way, between the both of them they put away an entire carton of strawberries in one sitting this evening).

While at Kroger, I once again found myself wandering the office supply aisle.  I have a small addiction to office supplies, I believe they make me look more organized and they give me a secret high.  I’m a sick puppy.  Some day when I grow up I want to professionally organize peoples homes.  Amber this means you!  If I could make money doing that I’d totally be in.

Muaahaaahaaaa!!!!

So what's your secret addition?