I’ll just run on my hands

 

Despite a week off from running and any other physical activity my feet still hurt like a mother.  And I go to bed every night thinking about all the things that I would like to do the next day but don’t because “the feet must rest”.  Well this is crap!!!

 

I’m dying to get some exercise, really to run, and feel like I’m at a dead end.  Now I know that 7 days off was not going to miraculously heal my feet and I could then run a sub 4 mile, but I was hoping for an ever so slight improvement.  I guess I’ll try and do a little research before starting something even though what I would like to do is just ignore my feet and run anyway.  Could I use this injury as an excuse for an in ground pool in the backyard?

 

 

My “vacation” is winding down and I an looking for an excuse to not go back at all.  In fact I am contemplating ways to earn a living from home: collecting cans on the highway, selling candy bars door to door, or finding a relative who just won the power ball.  I don’t know, just some ideas I’m kicking around.

 

 

I spent this past weekend at my Mom’s house visiting the fam.  It was a lot of fun.  I wish there were more pictures seeing as some pretty stupid antics happened involving a few bicycles, brown paper bags, and a make shift dance floor in the kitchen.  I hate to leave them (mainly because they feed me well), but they just won't pay you if you don’t go to your job.  So back in the Haute I am.

 

Two more days and it’s back to the grind.

The Indy Mini Kicked my Butt

 

And I’m super pumped it’s finally over and I can give my injury proper rest.  I’m not going to sugar coat it, it was pretty bad and I’m really hurting today, but I’m glad I did it but I’m overjoyed that it’s over.   But lets start from the beginning shall we, and you can come with me into my decent into misery.

My sister and her friend drove over from Illinois in the afternoon on Friday and from there we combined all our crap into one car and headed over to Indianapolis.  All the time complaining to each other about how “not ready” we were for this and thinking of excuses to get ourselves out of it.  I planned on faking a seizure at the first medic tent and she decided to hole up in the first port-a-potty along the route and wait for the slacker bus to pick her up.

 

This is us in our corral waiting to be herded into slaughter.  We must have been happy we were about to die!

It was a quick night in the hotel.  We didn’t even really get to enjoy the evening since we are old and need to get to bed by 8 to avoid the arthritis setting in.  Oh, well.  We did manage to get up and to the corral by 7:00 to wait another 30 minutes before we could even walk to the starting line.  This is the biggest half marathon in the country and when I say big I mean 35,000 runners.  But not only that there is a 5K that happens before that.   Then there is a wheelchair and corrals A-Z.  We ended up in R, mostly cause we suck, and we had this guy to tow along.

 

Meet Bryan, we tricked him into thinking we know what we are doing.  All part of the evil scheme.

Not to mention the 30 minutes you walk from your corral to the start line before you can even start running.

 

Instead of following through with our well though out plans to avoid the race we decided maybe we should try to run this shindig.  Our only goal to was to avoid the dreaded slacker bus that will pick you up if you get behind pace.  The three of us started out well but as time wore on the heat really picked up.  I don’t do well in heat but I knew this and had been drinking water like a fish all week and even was a good girl and took water or Gatorade at every pit area. (Awesome race support: they increased their aid stations to 11 because of how hot it was planned to be).  What I should have planned for was my bum foot.

At mile 7 you enter the Indianapolis Motor Speedway and do the next 2.5 miles in there.  If you know anything about a race track it’s that the turns are not flat and most of this trace is a really big loop.  This is where my foot died.  It hurt so incredibly bad to run on the track at that odd angle.  Jen and Bryan took off ahead of me just after getting into the Speedway and I hobbled through the next 2.5 miles.  By mile 10 I could have just sat down and waited for the bus my feet hurt so bad.  And I kept going over in my head how different last year was and how much healthier I was. Suck!!!

Thanks a lot, losers!!!

 

It hurt to run but it hurt even more to walk, so I managed to run scamper hobble the next 3 miles to the finish.  And I think I’ve learned my lesson; don’t run injured, it’s not that fun.

Jen and Bryan finished 10 minutes ahead of me and seemed mildly un-phased by the previous 13.1 miles.  My time pretty much sucked and makes me want to cry, but at least it’s over and I can work on getting better.  According to the Garmin it was 2 hours and 44 minutes I think though the chip time will be more due to some unplanned pit stops by someone I will not name… You know who your are.

 

So for now I’m alive and ready to get better. Race review for the morrow.

Yoga here I come

 

Four miles on the treadmill at a 10:45 pace.  I was way awesome and super amazing.  No on could possible match this feat in all of history.  Ok, so maybe not, at least I got off my butt and did something today to make myself less of a looser.

 

What I was surprised about was  how much better it felt on the treadmill.  No incline, better shock absorption, climate control, and no chance of rain.  If I could just get a treadmill in the house I could then enjoy the convenience of my cable; I’d be set!  Although I do enjoy the scenery of the outdoors and the fact that I have less excuse to run a shorter distance.  Oh, well, either way after May 5th I’m going to have to take a serious break from running to heal.  It’s going to be difficult, maybe I’ll take up Yoga…

Hello anus!

Well hello again! We’ve got to stop meeting this way.

 

 

I have no words…

 

Just so you know So You Think You Can Dance starts May 24th.  Set the DVR and don’t bother calling, I’m busy!!!

I think Jane Fonda and I could sweat up a storm, or I could just laugh really hard and burn some calories that way.

 

Only 4 more work days until vacation.  Can you feel it?

My socks made me fail

 

This morning was PERFECT weather for a run.  Now, if only I had a body designed for running I could be really happy.  But alas, I have a broken down, aging, slightly overweight body that can’t seem to move as fast as it used to.  I did not let that get me down.  Out I went and into uncharted territory (no really, I went down some back country roads that I was not sure would take me back to civilization.)  The plan was to go 10 miles.  As we all know plans are meant to be broken.  After a mile of warming up my left foot I felt good.  I kept it at a slow pace, purposely, because I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to make it 10 miles at a 10:00 pace.

True story, couldn’t find matching socks today.  Hope the horses didn’t mind my lack of style.

 

Around mile 4 I could feel that my knees were not going to hold up well.  This last month has been spent exclusively on the treadmill and with no incline, which has been good for the feet but not good for training.  I almost died near mile 7 then pulled it back together after a particularly rough hill and finished up with 8.3 miles.  The route I chose today had so many hills.  Why are there so many hills?????  And asphalt, why is it so hard???? I think I will have to get a few more outside runs in to get ready. Hey Jen, how's your training going? 

 

Sorry I asked… I’ll assume that it is going as well as mine. Let’s just make sure we are not last.

Our goal is to NOT die on May 5th. That and avoid the dreaded DNF.  We could take the wagon with us and take turns towing each other every other mile.

 

Guess what I saw this morning in the field next to my house.

Yeah, that’s corn.  In April!!!!  Who are these farmers and why are they planting so early.  It’s suppose to frost tonight.  Do they have really large sheets that they are going to place over the corn tonight to prevent crop failure much like my grandma Dolly used to do to her garden?  I know it was really warm here in March but golly gee wiz…it won't be knee high by July, it will be knee high by June!!!

 

Only six more working days until my next vacation.  Hurry up May 2nd!!!

What are you looking forward to?

Back on track

 

This week has been a great running week, albeit on the treadmill, but good.  Monday I did my planned 3 miles at the butt crack of dawn before going in to work and much to my surprise I didn’t die.  Yesterday was a 5 mile run that seemed to go on forever but I kept to a 10:35 pace much to my pleasure.  And then today was another 3 mile run.  I’m already ahead of last weeks miles by 50 billion.  And on the plus side no one picked a treadmill next to me and assaulted me with gas today. Win for me!!!

I’m hoping that my sister is ready run a super slow half in May so that I don’t have to look like a tard with a bum foot who couldn’t train adequately.  I hate talking to strangers during a race when I’m sucking wind but trying to look cool, so difficult.

 

It’s actually been a pretty productive week.  I managed to finish a purse that I started sewing 6 months or more ago.

 

And I made my own coffee creamer that turns out to be way cheaper than buying it from the store.

I’m thinking about running away with this concoction…

 

And later today it’s parent teacher conference time for Little Girl #1.  It’s going to go something like this:

Teacher: Your child is a pleasure to have in class, however is a little too social.

Me: And…?

Teacher: Maybe we should retain her another year to develop.

Me: To develop what, new friendships with different kids that will require her to be even more social?  The state of Indiana doesn’t even require that kids attend Kindergarten…

I could go on, but as you can see I’m prepared to be quite defensive of my child if need be.

Surprise…

 

There was a time that I had considered myself to be an observant person.  But apparently my grey and aging brain has lost a step.  Crap!!!  There were so many signs earlier in the week, stupid questions from friends, shady dealings with the husband, and people being weird.  I should have seen it coming.  I should have known…

 

 

I didn’t exactly have the reaction that my husband wanted.

 

Big D was pretty bummed that my first reactions was a poor one.  Let’s just be honest, I was a little pissed off.  He took me to dinner and fed me a line about wanting to stop by a party for a friend and that we would just make an appearance.  Well much to my horror I walked into a room filled with a bunch of my so called “friends”.  A real friend might have tipped me off so that I could have washed my hair!!!

Kathy, I know my hair was bad, but you could at least open your eyes and pretend I look good.

Same goes to you Cheryl!!!

At least there was cake.

And this isn’t just any cake, its “Joanne” cake.  Joanne is my best friends mom, who makes cake of many sorts.  In fact she made my wedding cake.  I would do devious things just to get a piece of this cake.  So at least this party had a redeeming factor.  My family also showed up to rub my age in my face.

I don’t understand why my brother couldn’t drive from Florida for this party???? And hey there grizzly Adams.

Smile now.  You know what payback is like?

I have to say that over all I had a good time.  Yes it was a rocky start but I woun’t kill anybody just yet over it.

Don’t do it, you can still eat cake.

I’m just going to have to hone my observation skills and prepare for a counter attack.  You will never know when it will happen oh, husband of mine, but it will happen, and it will be swift and you will be surprised!!!

Rub it in my face, will ya?

Look out 31, here I come.

Eat my shorts Tide!

 

So there are only 3 days until the end of the world my 30th birthday.  If I emerge from my hole on that day and see my shadow, will I get 6 more weeks of being 29?  Seems kosher to me.

Last night I fitted some new orthotics for my running shoes and was super excited to test them out this morning.  To be honest, anything to help with the extreme heel pain I have is exciting. 

I ran 3 solid miles on the treadmill while listening to Pandora-Todays Radio Hits.  The really exciting part was doing the miles consecutively.  I haven’t actually run 3 miles in a row in probably a month.  It’s been a lot of one mile, stop, another slow mile, stop, finish with a mile that can almost be considered speed walking, stop.  So when I managed to keep a 10:45 pace for 3 solid miles I was stoked.  I know, small victories.  It was just nice to not feel like I was going to die.  Even enjoyable for treadmill work.

Or I could just give up and use this.

 

Yesterday I also tried my hand at making my own laundry detergent.  Don’t laugh, I’m just really cheap, and my kids have sensitive skin that requires no dyes or perfumes.  I must have given birth to delicate flowers.  Anyway, it was a fairly simple process that involved melting a bar of soap that had been through a cheese grater.

 

 

 

 

Then you mix a cup of borax and a cup of washing soda and water and let sit.  I also added some baking soda just for good measure.  I researched a bunch of different recipes but they were mostly the same, so I have a feeling that I may play around with it to get it the way that I like it the best. 

 

But the best part is the money savings.  Like 0.01 a load as opposed to 0.18-0.20 a load.  And we do a lot of laundry in this house.  I also made some powdered dishwasher detergent too.  Insert jokes here about my frugalness.

My ultimate goal is actually to be able to buy more running crap.  Don’t tell my husband!

 

It’s also this baby girls 16th birthday.  I really feel old now.  Happy birthday to my niece, Ali!

Happy New Year

 

My new years resolution…Moderation!!!  In everything.  I like to set goals that I will probably be able to attain.  This is why I don’t set goals like, run a 50K or loose 75 lbs. in 3 months.  These things are things that will not be achieved by myself so I don’t entertain them.  I’m realistic about life.  So this new goal of moderations seems doable to me.  I tend to go gung ho in everything: eating, exercise, hobbies and then I tend to crash and burn and abandon the pursuit which then leaves me feeling craptastic.  So I’m done with this jazz.

Changed my mind, I want to win an eating contest.

By the way 2012 has been absolutely wonderful.  It was kicked off with a bedtime of 12:30am by the kidoos, a 4:30am asthma attack from Little Girl #1 which required 2 breathing treatments and some cuddling with Memaw Debbie who just happened to be spending the night.  Then at around 7:00am the puking began from Little Girl #1 which has been happening intermittently ever since.  Little Girl #2 has been illness free at this point but I expect that to change at any moment.

Exactly why I quit tanning.

So our home is now a quarantined area that will need firebombed to destroy all germ evidence.  Let’s hope this isn’t an omen of how the year will continue.

Fasting from Running

 

Did I mention I have to work tomorrow?  Well I do.  Somebody has to take care of the sick people.  I plan of eating at least 5 lbs of any chocolate substance to make it through the day.  It should add nicely to the additional weight that I’ve been packing on during my fast from running.  That’s what I’m calling it to make myself feel better about not running.  I’m really fasting. Totally for religious reasons.

My poor niece Ali was tired from watching little girl # 1 & 2 all night.  She’s thrilled!!!

I plan on getting back on the running wagon soon.  But in order to make it more of a challenge I think that I should gain a few more pounds.  I wouldn’t want those other people to feel bad at the gym if I showed up in excellent physical condition and they were just starting on their new years resolutions.  So it’s my new years resolution to not get too in shape to aid in others high self esteem.  Sound good?  Yeah, maybe not so much.

Regardless,I do plan on eating a crap ton more before the new year.  And crap ton is way more than a regular ton or a metric ton.  Look it up! I dare you. 

 

Do you plan on being bad over the holidays?

I Got A New Man

 

Do you want to meet my new man?  He’s super sweet, likes to cuddle, and never says I look fat.  He’s slightly less than of legal age but we love each other and that’s all that matters.

Don’t you want to squeeze him? Careful don’t squeeze too hard he might pee.

 

This little nugget is big D’s Christmas present from his parents.  A 10 week old German Shepard puppy!  And because he is so cute, his brother is residing at my in-laws house so he can have family around (suckers!!!).  We have named him Hector which little girl #2 can’t say, so she calls him Edgar and I think that’s pretty darn cute.  Of course Leroy is having some misgiving over the whole ordeal seeing that he is senior pup around here at 9 years old.  I think he’ll get use to it.

Notice the blank stare on Leroy's face.  He now hates me.

So for the next few weeks I guess I’ll be potty training a puppy and a kid.  Can they both just wear diapers for a while?  Oh, well.  At least he does a lot of this.

 

Let’s keep this clean folks.

What I’m really hoping is that he is gonna be my running partner come summer time.  Then people are gonna think I’m some undercover cop out rounding up the meth heads.  At least that’s how it goes down in my head.  I’ve been giving him pep talks to get him ready to run a half with me but that just usually causes his narcolepsy to activate and I’ve lost him.

 

Did anybody else get an animal for Christmas?

Another Sick Day

 

What’s more fun than laying in bed sick for a day, you ask?  Taking care of a child that is sick and puking her guts up.  “Flu” season needs to go away, post haste.  It’s enough that I take care of ill people at work, I don’t need my house to be an infirmary too.

So if you need me, I’ll be the one who hasn’t showered yet, in yesterdays pajamas, covered in flu germs bundled up with two little girls who may or may not vomit directly on me in the near future.  Hope you have a good day!

I might get sick on you

 

Yesterday was measured in trips to the bathroom.  After around 20 trips in 3 hours I gave up any semblance of time and gave in to the sickness.  My stomach couldn’t keep anything down and by backside wouldn’t stop vomiting.  Over all, a very pleasant day. 

This is one of my “sick” bags.  Handy, but not pretty.  Uhgggg, the memories…

Because I’m obsessed with my weight, I weighed myself after a day of extreme fluid loss and found the silver lining to being sick.  5 pounds of weight loss in one day.  I’m stoked, too bad it's not a long term plan for success. 

These are the pictures that happen when you leave the computer unattended.

Of course that makes it difficult when going to run today.  Spend a day in bed trying not to die, get really dehydrated and eat a couple pieces of toast and then try to run the next day.  I probably should have had a better plan, like rest or something.  It was a sluggish 3 miles but I made it.  And since I’m a glutton for punishment I spent another 28 minutes on the elliptical machine.  Over all I feel slightly better than yesterday but maybe shouldn’t have gotten back on the treadmill so quickly.  Oh, well…

And by the way, I’ve decided I know the reason I’m so SLOW.  My legs are just too short.  I watched a few other people today on the treadmill while I plodded along on the elliptical machine  and came to a few conclusions. 1. My legs are too short for my body. and 2. I’ve already been through puberty and can’t expect to grow anymore.  Crap!  All these people with their super long legs can take further strides and look like a sleek gazelle running through a field of wheat where as I just look like a cockroach scurrying across the floor.  And my family will attest to this truth, just ask them at most holiday functions, they will be glad to point out my flaw and laugh in my face.  Jerks.  I’m defiantly the deformed child seeing as my brother is 6’4” and my sister is 5’10'”. I’m 5’6” on a good day in my tennis shoes.

Yeah, well you suck and don’t expect a good Christmas present this year giant trolls.

I must go research ways to get taller that don’t include surgical breaking of the legs and inserting extenders or clinical drug trials.