Wednesday, December 28, 2011

What the heck is wrong…


with me, in particular?  For starters with all the holiday hubbub running has been last on the list.  I then relate my crappy state of mind, and subsequently body, to this lack of exercise.  I always feel so much better about myself after getting moving and that just isn’t happening lately which really sucks a big one. 


And this week isn’t looking any better on the running front.  How do other mothers actual fit in regular exercise of any kind?  I usually have a kid attached to one hip or the other and the other child making requests in every 15 minutes to keep me on my toes.  Then with what time might be left after them going to bed I’m to tired to load the dishwasher.  I feel burned out.  Excuses, excuses, I know.  Just shut up and run.


When I find so motivation, or win the lottery, I’ll let you know.


Friday, December 23, 2011

Fasting from Running


Did I mention I have to work tomorrow?  Well I do.  Somebody has to take care of the sick people.  I plan of eating at least 5 lbs of any chocolate substance to make it through the day.  It should add nicely to the additional weight that I’ve been packing on during my fast from running.  That’s what I’m calling it to make myself feel better about not running.  I’m really fasting. Totally for religious reasons.


My poor niece Ali was tired from watching little girl # 1 & 2 all night.  She’s thrilled!!!

I plan on getting back on the running wagon soon.  But in order to make it more of a challenge I think that I should gain a few more pounds.  I wouldn’t want those other people to feel bad at the gym if I showed up in excellent physical condition and they were just starting on their new years resolutions.  So it’s my new years resolution to not get too in shape to aid in others high self esteem.  Sound good?  Yeah, maybe not so much.


Regardless,I do plan on eating a crap ton more before the new year.  And crap ton is way more than a regular ton or a metric ton.  Look it up! I dare you. 


Do you plan on being bad over the holidays?

Monday, December 19, 2011

I Got A New Man


Do you want to meet my new man?  He’s super sweet, likes to cuddle, and never says I look fat.  He’s slightly less than of legal age but we love each other and that’s all that matters.


Don’t you want to squeeze him? Careful don’t squeeze too hard he might pee.


This little nugget is big D’s Christmas present from his parents.  A 10 week old German Shepard puppy!  And because he is so cute, his brother is residing at my in-laws house so he can have family around (suckers!!!).  We have named him Hector which little girl #2 can’t say, so she calls him Edgar and I think that’s pretty darn cute.  Of course Leroy is having some misgiving over the whole ordeal seeing that he is senior pup around here at 9 years old.  I think he’ll get use to it.


Notice the blank stare on Leroy's face.  He now hates me.

So for the next few weeks I guess I’ll be potty training a puppy and a kid.  Can they both just wear diapers for a while?  Oh, well.  At least he does a lot of this.



Let’s keep this clean folks.

What I’m really hoping is that he is gonna be my running partner come summer time.  Then people are gonna think I’m some undercover cop out rounding up the meth heads.  At least that’s how it goes down in my head.  I’ve been giving him pep talks to get him ready to run a half with me but that just usually causes his narcolepsy to activate and I’ve lost him.


Did anybody else get an animal for Christmas?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Move over Martha, Jess has the power drill


I just realized that between the bubonic plague that struck our household and my working 4 out of 5 days in a row I haven’t had the time nor desire to step foot into my running shoes.  I wish I could say it has been a restful week off but I think, looking back, that I probably would have enjoyed having my eyes poked out the running.  So I eased into any physical activity with a nice 30 minutes on the elliptical and then managed to run 1.5 miles before crapping out and pretending to lift heavy things.  I felt overly productive.

Yes, I know. Lets not rub it in.


So when I got home I decided to go DIY and install the laundry room cabinet that I keep avoiding.  I think it didn’t turn out to bad.  I just hope that I anchored that bad boy into the studs.  The doors weren’t that difficulty to put on, much to my surprise.  Martha Stewart, you ain’t got nothing on me.  Now if I could just figure out what to put in it…  (Seems like I had big plans for it when I first had the idea.)


Move over Bob Villa, I’m coming for ya!!!

What did you do productive with your day?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I’ll rip your arms off and take them


I need arms like Tara from True Blood.



She’s one bad mama jama.  That’s all.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Another Sick Day


What’s more fun than laying in bed sick for a day, you ask?  Taking care of a child that is sick and puking her guts up.  “Flu” season needs to go away, post haste.  It’s enough that I take care of ill people at work, I don’t need my house to be an infirmary too.

Sorry your sick day is due to actual sickness.

So if you need me, I’ll be the one who hasn’t showered yet, in yesterdays pajamas, covered in flu germs bundled up with two little girls who may or may not vomit directly on me in the near future.  Hope you have a good day!

I hate when you're sick because we don't spend enough time talking about me.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I might get sick on you


Yesterday was measured in trips to the bathroom.  After around 20 trips in 3 hours I gave up any semblance of time and gave in to the sickness.  My stomach couldn’t keep anything down and by backside wouldn’t stop vomiting.  Over all, a very pleasant day. 


This is one of my “sick” bags.  Handy, but not pretty.  Uhgggg, the memories…

Because I’m obsessed with my weight, I weighed myself after a day of extreme fluid loss and found the silver lining to being sick.  5 pounds of weight loss in one day.  I’m stoked, too bad it's not a long term plan for success. 


These are the pictures that happen when you leave the computer unattended.

Of course that makes it difficult when going to run today.  Spend a day in bed trying not to die, get really dehydrated and eat a couple pieces of toast and then try to run the next day.  I probably should have had a better plan, like rest or something.  It was a sluggish 3 miles but I made it.  And since I’m a glutton for punishment I spent another 28 minutes on the elliptical machine.  Over all I feel slightly better than yesterday but maybe shouldn’t have gotten back on the treadmill so quickly.  Oh, well…


And by the way, I’ve decided I know the reason I’m so SLOW.  My legs are just too short.  I watched a few other people today on the treadmill while I plodded along on the elliptical machine  and came to a few conclusions. 1. My legs are too short for my body. and 2. I’ve already been through puberty and can’t expect to grow anymore.  Crap!  All these people with their super long legs can take further strides and look like a sleek gazelle running through a field of wheat where as I just look like a cockroach scurrying across the floor.  And my family will attest to this truth, just ask them at most holiday functions, they will be glad to point out my flaw and laugh in my face.  Jerks.  I’m defiantly the deformed child seeing as my brother is 6’4” and my sister is 5’10'”. I’m 5’6” on a good day in my tennis shoes.


Yeah, well you suck and don’t expect a good Christmas present this year giant trolls.

I must go research ways to get taller that don’t include surgical breaking of the legs and inserting extenders or clinical drug trials.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Chicken Legs


Three miles completed on the treadmill.  Not a bad run.  I’m just super excited that I didn’t crap my pants today.  Bonus for me!!!  I also managed to not make a fool of myself while lifting some weights with my legs, though I may have gotten some strange looks from the serious weight lifters.  You know the ones, huge upper body and teeny tiny skinny legs that look like they might snap right off at the ankle at any moment.

Kind of like this….

I try to avoid these people at the gym at all costs. Mainly because they make me feel so self conscious about my lack of weight training.  That, and I avoid all unnecessary contact with any and all people in public due to by borderline agoraphobia.  If I could figure out how to work from home and leave only minimally to buy things like food, I would do it!  I wonder how I could be a nurse from home?


Are you outgoing or would you be a hermit? I choose hermit.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Burt & Ernie


Remember how yesterday I had an “emergency” on the treadmill that could have resulted in the need for a lockdown of the gym?  Well, it happened again today.  Right at mile 3 I was hot stepping it to the bathroom again!  I think my gut is in revolt of my running.  It’s doing everything it can to sabotage my runs (pun intended).  So instead of getting back on the treadmill today I decided to listen to my gut and I lifted weights with my weak, flabby arms.  That seemed to quell the revolution and my gut went into hiding.

Could have looked like this, but didn’t. (Poor guy!)

I have small children which means I get to watch a lot of kids shows on every station imaginable.  Most of which involve some form of singing and dancing and less than stellar plot lines.  Though I do laugh on occasion.  Now I now that you all know Sesame Street.  Which I love, by the way.  But there are those who have some lingering concerns of what type of relationship is between Burt and Ernie.  When sitting at Little Girl #1 dance class and reading a Sesame Street book to Little Girl #2, this popped up on the page and I now understand fully.





Burt doesn’t look as happy about it as Ernie does.  But this just made me chuckle in my head.  It’s all clear now.