Wednesday, November 30, 2011

That Run Could Have Been Embarrassing


Started breaking in the new shoes today with 5 solid miles.  They felt really good.  Even though after 2 miles I had to hot step it to the locker room to avoid an embarrassing situation.  Luckily my treadmill had not been swiped by gang members or blue hairs and I got right back in it.  Pandora was awesome yet again today and provided me with some Jay-Z mix for the first half of the run and some Pink mix for the last half.  I just wish I could build a station of 10-20 artists of my choosing and not always have the computer randomly selecting music, though sometimes it pleasantly surprises me. 


Surprise!!! I’ll bite your face off.

Do you ever get really upset at inanimate objects when they don’t behave?  Like that sock that you just can’t get to shake off your foot or the piece of plastic you are throwing away but can’t get the static to release it from your finger?  Then you just end up shaking that appendage wildly in the air and cursing.   Yeah, I thought so.  Me too.  I find myself yelling at the shoes to move out of my way or the door handle to let go of my coat sleeve.  This could be a problem in the future when my kids wanna find a reason to put me in a home.  Until then I will continue to get frustrated with soulless objects and throw them across the room.

Funny Seasonal Ecard: Your Christmas present will be all the more meaningful to me if you had to pepper spray someone in order to get it.

This happened to me the other night, or should I say morning with my socks when I rolled into the house at around 4 am (nothing works when your tired).  Why home so late, you ask?  Well I was sucked into the black hole of mindlessness on Thanksgiving night that involved long lines and fighting over stupid crappy toys.  Ok, so I didn’t actually fight anyone for a toy but my white trash would have come out if I needed it to.  My friend Amber and I ventured out at 9pm to see how bad it could really be (and she acted as my personal body guard).


you really love me even when I make you stay out all night

Boy did we underestimate the power of the deal.  The lines at Toys-R-Us and Best Buy stretched on for what seemed like miles and lets not even mention Wal-Mart. (Lets take the kids and a tent and camp out in the liquor isle to get that X-box we don’t need and can’t afford, sure sounds like a good plan)  That place game me an anxiety attack, and now that I know they are carrying pepper spray, I’m glad we got out before the may lay started.


There were two women attacked in Terre Haute in the Toys R Us parking lot that were jumped and all of their new toys and left over cash were taken.  I’m not a serious shopper but we did find a few deals that worked out. We had a very late dinner at Denny’s before attempting any stores which worked in our favor. No lines to wait in and all the fight, stabbing and choke holds to get the hottest toys was over by 11 when things open at 9.  We just couldn’t seem to stop looking at all the deals and before we knew it it was 3:30 and I was spent.


Everything seems like a good idea at 2:30am, especially with no sleep

Over all I’d say it was a success.  Not sure if I will attempt that again.  And if I do, I will definitely have a plan in place to avoid having to bring my prison made shiv with me.  It’s either that or take Amber with me again.


Do you venture out into the Black Friday Mess?

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Back at it with new shoes


This last week has been full of a lot of things; eating, shopping, visiting with family, more eating and work.  Did you see one thing missing?  Yeah, me too.  Running!


Maybe it was some subconscious/Freudian crap that caused it, I’ll never know but I left my running shoes at my parents house.  Oh, Jess, just go over and get them.  Sure I’ll drive the 2.5 hours to their house one way to pick them up.  No thanks.  I’ll just order some new ones and wait a week for them to come before running again.  Sounds much easier to me.


I needed new ones any way.  I ordered the exact same pair of Brookes Adrenaline 11 size 10.5 that I already run in and they are so pretty when they are new.  I almost want to just put them on a shelf and only use them for good (that’s what my grandma would have done). And please feel free to make jokes about my enormously gigantic feet.  I’ll just use them to kick your butt when your done laughing.

I’ll go Bob Barker on you.

So today I ran 3.5 miles before remembering I should probably not go to far until I get them broken in some.  By they way, it snowed today.  Great big snow too.  It looked like a cotton candy machine from the 5th floor of the gym today.  I’m not ready for snow, just saying…


Yes Forrest, thank you for the observation.

On the way home I noticed a trash truck next to me at a stoplight and they had forgotten to put something in the cab.  Not sure what it is or if it will make it to the their next destination.


Hope they don’t really need what's in that bag…

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Piso Mojado


Let me just start by saying that sick kids are not fun.  I deal with enough bodily fluids at work I don’t particularly want to deal with it at home.  But today has been full of it, bodily fluids that is.  And if everything goes as the little buggers planned, I’ll be the one ralphing my guts up tomorrow.


Their germs are not this cute.

So while I feel good lets reminisce about my massive Thanksgiving dinner last Saturday. Here is the run down, we had turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls and for dessert a pumpkin pie and a delicious concoction that my niece put together involving cream cheese and dough (Heaven!!!)



We always take aerial photos from our helicopter for Thanksgiving.



The rest of the family was already in a turkey induced coma at this point.




Sopapilla Cheesecake Heaven.


It was a free for all of eating, and I probably had to unbutton my pants when all was said and done.  There might have been some wine involved during the feast.  I may or may not have had spent some too much time with my sister watching old music videos on you tube and singing too loud.

We also spent half the night yelling “Piso Mojado” at anyone who walked through the kitchen.  Listen, the floor was wet and we didn’t want a lawsuit.


What happens at your house after all the eating is done?

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Abandoned in the Kitchen


Well, due to the wind yesterday and the fact that I’m a known wimp, running was OUT.  We are smack dab in the middle of nowhere land and it’s flat as flat can be with not many trees to break the 20 mph wind.  That’s ok though, more time to cook and eat.


Now spin in a circle and imagine that all around you for MILES!!!

The last few Thanksgiving dinners we have had, have gone the non-traditional route so this year we decided to go back to the old Turkey and Ham dinner and it did not disappoint.  It was also my first attempt at making yeast rolls.  I’m the bomb, it’s too bad you all couldn’t make it here to try them.  Side note: did you know that yeast sucks, and has an expiration date. See below for batch # 2 of yeast rolls.




Before. Notice the clean counter.


After. Golden brown perfection. And very healthy too.


My family abandoned me to the kitchen for other more important things.  My niece had a basketball tournament, my mom had some practice for a “Holiday Spectacular” (not sure what goes on there), my dad had to look at some guns and D tagged along with him.  So in an effort to expedite my cooking I sold the children to the highest bidder.


Turns out they are only worth a couple buck and my sister bought them. No returns, no refunds.


The kitchen quite possibly could have been declared a national disaster area. Apparently a tornado touched down and moved a whole house into the kitchen at some point.  I called in the National Guard for clean up later in the day.  Eventually the stragglers made it back home to terrorize my efforts and steal/beg for food I threw up my hands, walked away and let the Mother finish.


I was scared of the knife so I backed away, slowly.

Stay tuned for the actual buffet of debauchery.

How and when do you plan to celebrate your Thanksgiving holiday?



Friday, November 18, 2011

The rut is over


Who wants to run in 32 degree weather with 20 mph winds?  Not this girl!  So I believe I’ll be sentencing myself to treadmill jail.  Looks like I’m getting a 4 months.  I might get out for good behavior in early March but seeing as I’m a weenie it’s looking like a no go.  Oh, well.

It’s my mug shot, I could use some make up and a straight iron huh?

Todays punishment involved a 5 mile run in around 52 or so minutes.  I really like to have a certain treadmill that is near the one and only fan in the whole gym.  And said treadmill was occupied by a turtle  slow moving man.  So I begrudgingly started using another machine.  1/2 a mile later he finished his, what ever it was and I scooted on over to MY machine.  What a difference a breeze makes!!!  I might be falling in love with running again.  Could the rut be over?

Just a light breeze…

After my run I hurried home to pack and get the kids and husband loaded to drive 2.5 hours to Minier, IL for our Thanksgiving.  Yes, I know its early but that’s how we roll, deal.  Pretty soon I’ll be cooking up a storm and then eating until I actually bust.  Come on over, it should be fun.  Then we will all take a holiday nap together.  Please don’t snore.


Little girl #2 thinks concealer would make a good side dish.

If all goes well, I might get to run with the sister that I never wanted but have anyway.  But then again, it’s pretty cold for a delicate flower such as myself.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Let me Sleep

I'm pooped. Whose idea was it to get up at 4:30am and run before work anyway? Oh, me? No. That doesn't seem right.

Oh well. 4 miles before work and then 12 hours on my feet and I'm beat. Trying to go to bed and this guy trying to spoon me.

Pathetic, I know. Night, night.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Organization Junkie


Last night as I lay in bed I made a decision that I would run outside today no matter how cold it was.  Of course that was before this morning when the monsoon hit.  My resolutions are always defeated before they can start (I’m made of sugar, I can’t get wet).  But I did not leg this get me down, I just headed to the gym.  Four and a half miles later I felt great, a little chaffed in the nether regions but otherwise great.  I haven’t done over 4 miles since September and my legs could have lasted for longer but that spot on my Achilles where my shoe has been rubbing really started to burn (mental note: buy new shoes).  Maybe it was the Jay-Z on Pandora or the two cups of coffee before getting going but it just felt right.

Me too!!!!

After my gym trip I had to go to Kroger for some food.  I don’t understand why those kids can’t just go to the grocery store themselves?  Or at least get a job and contribute some money? So inconsiderate of them to lounge all day and eat my strawberries (which by the way, between the both of them they put away an entire carton of strawberries in one sitting this evening).

While at Kroger, I once again found myself wandering the office supply aisle.  I have a small addiction to office supplies, I believe they make me look more organized and they give me a secret high.  I’m a sick puppy.  Some day when I grow up I want to professionally organize peoples homes.  Amber this means you!  If I could make money doing that I’d totally be in.


So what's your secret addition?

Friday, November 11, 2011

Sleeping in would have been nice


No school today in celebration of those veterans who are currently serving or who have served in the military to protect our freedom. (Thanks, by the way)  So what do my kids do to celebrate? Wake up at 6:50am, run in screaming and demand a parade!  Seriously?!?!?!  My crazies never get up early, NEVER.  So what the heck?  Oh, yeah Grandpa promised a veterans day parade.

Montgomery River Region Veterans Day celebration 2011

I sooooo want a motorcycle.  I would look so cool and you know it.

So after bundling the kidos up for a 34 degree parade and dropping them off with Gramps I headed to the gym feeling foxy.

With some Jay-Z & Lincoln Park on a Pandora station I got rolling in treadmill hell.  It felt better than it had in a long time, a really long time.  And after 4 miles I was spent.  I realized that I hadn’t gone 4 miles in a long time and it was pretty nice.  It was one of those runs that reminded me that I do like running, sometimes. 

Now that being said, I did have a slight breakdown around mile 2 that was not related to running.  I was positioned at a treadmill under a TV, of course every TV is tuned to a news channel so I find myself watching national news to the tune of Jay-Z in my ear.  As I find my eyes wandering upwards to the screen I became entranced by a scene of two veterans, who are up there in age, carrying a wreath with the assistance of a marine in full dress at a monument (not sure where since I couldn’t hear).  The marine then placed the wreath down, the three men saluted each other and then turned and walked away.  So by the time it took me to watch that 2 minute clip I was a sobbing mess while running.  I’m sure the geezer next to me walking off his ensure was trying to figure out what was wrong or if he should find another treadmill.  But I pulled it together and finished my run strong and tried to avoid eye contact with the TV again.


After pulling myself together and washing the stink off, I made it down to the opening of the Qdoba that opened this week for lunch with big D.  Terre Haute is hitting the big time.  I know you want to move here, don’t all come at once.


DJ’s choice of steak burrito.


My naked chicken taco salad. yum…

It was a little bit of heaven in the middle of the day.  And yes that is guacamole and sour cream.  Those should be their own individual food groups.  I just might campaign for that with the FDA.

And by the way it’s hard to type when you have this on your lap.


Little girl #2 likes to cuddle.

She was simultaneously eating out of two different bags of goldfish as evidenced by the crumbs on her shirt.  I’m raising very polite, clean, sanitary individuals. 

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Maybe I shouldn’t do chili


After a VERY LONG 12 hour day at work, I did something that hasn't been done in weeks, perhaps months.  I went to the gym.  Now don’t get all excited it didn’t really go as well as I dreamed.  But that’s what you get for still thinking that you’re a young, fit, skinny, active individual.  When you are actually (cringe) old, overweight, out-of-shape, craptastic individual you can’t just get out there and run 26.2 miles.  Crazy, I know! 


You two just wait till high school, I can’t wait to ruin everything.


The plan went like this: run 3 miles and then lift weights on the arms for 30 minutes.  After 2.6 seconds on the treadmill reality set in and someone pulled the chain for the light bulb over my head.  It just wasn’t gonna happen.  I had hastily scarfed down a small cup of chili around 5:30pm or so to that I wouldn’t be famished and running.


By the time I got on the treadmill at 8:00pm it seemed that it had been good planning.  BUT I couldn’t breath, and my stomach cramped.  I was a hot mess.  It was the kind of breathing that I thought would ease after a little bit so I pushed through to a half a mile. (I know, I suck, keep you comments to yourself.) The half mile point is usually when things level out and I feel ok.  Well, that’s when it got worse today.  I had the feeling like when your pregnant and your uterus is so full of baby that there is no more room in your belly and your lungs have no where to expand.  That’s a feeling I really don’t want to remember.  So a mile was all I could handle before I was lightheaded. 

So on to plan B.  Lift some heavy stuff for a while and hope that no one really looks at you and figures out that you don’t know what your doing.  And that’s what I did for the rest of my time.


Thank you little girl #1, I knew I could count on you.


I pretty much deserved to be stoned for my lack of ability, but I guess its better than doing nothing after work.  So tomorrow I will attempt to bet fit all over again.  If you want to come watch me and heckle that would be great.  Any type of reinforcement, positive or negative, is much appreciated.

Funny Sympathy Ecard: I'm always available to discuss your problems via text.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Treadmill Marathon


Yep, today was even more difficult than yesterday when convincing myself to get moving in treadmill hell but it’s done and that makes me happy.  Two craptastic miles in the books and then another 30 minutes on the elliptical.  DONE!!!  Now the questions is do I get up at the butt crack of dawn and work out before work, drag myself after work or just avoid it all together tomorrow?  It remains to be seen.  Now if that darn bowl of candy would quit calling my name…


If only that were true, I’d have the best teeth ever.

Is it good to eat a diet high in peanut butter?  If so then I’m really healthy.  In fact I must be the poster child for health. Or not. 


Have you ever considered running an entire marathon on the treadmill.  Yeah, me neither, but go watch this video from Tosh.0 about a treadmill marathon.  The beginning is a depressing view of two women trying to finish an ironman and crawling across the finish which leads to the idea for the actual treadmill marathon. 

The Kenyan cracks me up every time.  I don’t think he has ever ran on a treadmill before.  But this might be the only way that I ever run 26.2 miles.  I would need some poor sap who would have to run right next to me and couldn’t leave my side and would have to listen to me complain the whole time.


What do you think about a treadmill marathon?

Monday, November 7, 2011

Treadmill Purgatory


Seems like the beginning of every run, or workout for that matter, is a struggle.  I struggle for the desire to do anything, I struggle for the desire to keep going, and once I’m done I am dreading the next day when I have to do this all over again.  It’s not suppose to be like this!!!  Where is that fire I use to have for getting up and getting moving?  Lately, I just suck.  Though it probably doesn’t help that I have been only able to workout every 3 days or so.  (Stupid 12 hour job!) It seemed like it was easier when the weather was nice.


Take today for example.  I made it to the gym by 8:30am-ish and then sat in the locker room talking myself into getting out there. Then once I pulled my large butt off the locker room floor and took the steps necessary to get going I ended up on an elliptical first for around 20 minutes just talking myself into running.  It didn’t help that there was a young, skinny, fit, and pretty girl running her back side off right next to me at warp speed.  After deciding to make the leap over to treadmill purgatory I could only do 3 miles before crumpling into a depressing heap back in the locker room. 


Did I mention the whole time I was running I stared at a gray sky, pouring rain?  It really was a spirit booster!  I’m going out on a limb here and conclude that my aversion to working out lately has to do with a combination of things.

1. I‘m in a rut.

2. I don’t have any workout buddies.

3. I think I’m having a midlife crisis.  (I will be 30 soon)


And we all know it’s easier to complain about things instead of changing them, so I’m gonna keep complaining for the time being until divine intervention happens and fixes one of the above. 


Maybe at this point I should be seeking some professional help.  But who can afford that?  I’ll just continue hating running until I like it again… Yeah, that might work.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Dumb Socks


There was a plan in my head this morning to run 5 miles.  It was a lovely plan that a better trained individual would have been able to accomplish.  But this idiot has early onset Alzheimer's and didn’t remember what happened yesterday.


Special thanks to Under Armour for the crappy socks that have all ripped in the exact same spot!  Loved the colors ( it was a multi-color pack).  Not so much how they have held up over the last 6 months or so.  So after feeling that same spot rub again today I gave up after 3 miles and walked another 25 minutes.


On the bright side, I feel like a hard core runner who can run through injury.  Not…  I did manage to lift with the old arms since that didn’t irritate my feet.  Bonus!


Then after a special gym shower I hot stepped it over to Aldi’s for some cheap groceries.  In case you don’t know what Aldi’s is, look it up.  Its for the cheapskates like me who don’t care about brand.  But what I forgot is that it is the beginning of the month.  Catch my drift?  The grocery store should be avoided like the plague the first few days of every month.  I won't elaborate because I won't be able to say anything nice.  So instead I decided to take some notes while at Aldi’s and then when I stopped by Wal-mart for some other extras.


Things that piss me off while shopping

1.  Please when shopping stay to the right while in the lane. Don’t swerve all over the aisle and act like you’re the only one shopping here.  Grow up and have some manners.

2. When checking out with your cart load of crap please don’t actively complain about the person in front of you and how much they are buying.  It’s rude.  What makes you so superior to me?  I have 2 children and a husband to buy groceries for,  that may require more food than you need for you and your cat.  If you want to check out quicker go to the self check lane.

3.  Do we really need to be playing Christmas on November 2?  Can we celebrate Thanksgiving first? OK, thanks.


4. What are you gonna do with a cart full of O’Douls?  Get really crazy and perhaps play a game of UNO?  I know I want to be invited to that party.

5. Please come fully dressed when entering the public eye.  That’s all.


Things that make me happy while shopping

1.  Special thank you to the cart pusher at Wal-mart who made my day when I heard you sing at the top of your lungs while pushing the carts inside.  Who knew that a teenager would be listening to Meatloaf's “Anything for love”?  Score!!!


2. I love to shop by myself.  It’s like a small fieldtrip where I can wander around and not have to answer this question 800 billion times, “Can I have that, please?”